An Eye For An Eye Making The World Blind

Morning came well before I was ready for it. A combination of meds seemed to keep me awake well beyond the limits of my usual sleep pattern, but not for my kids! No, they were bounding about when I awoke. I could hear them doing lord-knows-what in the floors below. So, glancing at my wife's gracefully somnilent form, I got up staggered to the shower.

The shower's such a handy thing... a malodorous cure and a relaxing place to think. So I did. First I thought "hey! who used all the shampoo" but then as the monotony of the routine took over, I started to think about other things. There's a cease-fire underway tomorrow. Israel will stop bombing what's left of Lebanon. And in an effort to get ready for the hiatus, there's a push to destroy as much as possible. There is a sadness about this suffering that will not rinse away. In that moment hunting about for some other shampoo, I'm thinking about the fact that some evil genius has developed a formulation that will blow up airplanes and moisturize dry and damaged hair. Impossible to imagine.

Mindlessly I get out of the shower and fumble about the routine of getting dried off and dressed. From the vent at my feet I can hear the gleeful shriek of my middle child and someone else making an animal sound. There is no intermediate volume in my home, just on and off. And thinking they'll need food or find it themselves, I hurry. Brushing my hair and teeth at the same time. Grabbing the aerosol deodorant as I look about for my pda. Suddenly my eyes are on fire. I'd sprayed the deodorant, but in my haste, did not look to see in which direction. A blast of butane propelled Cool Fusion is melting my eyeballs! Reaching for the sink I rinse. It burns. I repeat. Still burns. For some reason this stuff seems to repel water, oh... right. Its a deodorant.

Its a DEODORANT! I use soap to wash that off in the shower!! So blindly I search for the soap, lather, and I wash only to realize I AM PUTTING SOAP IN MY EYES! Before my eyes burned, but they at least smelled good. Now they were soapy and no matter how much I rinsed, I could not seem to get all of it off. Ouch! And however rediculous it sounds, when you NEED to rinse your eyes, you can't. They don't want to open. I tried and tried and the kept closing. So I'd fill my hands with water, hold it to my eyes, and open and close and the water poured from the spaces between my fingers. It wasn't working, but I was not going to try conditioner, no matter how dry my eyes were.

My ankles were aware of the nubby cotton towel and with a blind swoop, grabbed and dabbed. And dabbed. And blinked, waiting for the pain fade, then chuckled. My mind, vastly contemplating fighting and death and airport security and happy semi-ferrel kids, had not considered the many small and essential tokens in that present moment. I wasn't paying attention, and the chuckle was from imagining what my mother would say if I'd done that as a kid. Frankly, it would be more of a look than a word from her; something mixed between pity and wonder for this son of hers who is alternately bright and retarded.

So I dressed in about 200 blinks, found my groggy wife and kissed her a few times (I wonder if she could smell the deodorant on my face... she's like a hound dog that way... *gasp*... did I call my wife a dog? This is obviously untrue, but I begin to digress...) and went downstairs where my happy kids ate fruit and cereal and watched Scooby Doo cartoons.

Notes From A Summer Day, Long Past

Summertime!

Its warm. I got up late... something like 10:30 and the kids were willing around patiently eating bananas as their babysitter, Spongebob, taught them how to use sentence enhancers. It was 3am by the time the last guest left last night.

Kids wanted to get out of the house... I wanted a shower. We compromised. I cleaned up and they waited. Mom had a migrane. I could feel it then... the cool air blowing in off the late was already pretty warm. It was going to be hot.

The idea of being outnumbered at breakfast 3:1 seemed insanity to my lovely wife. I suppose it is. But we went anyway and caught a break. They were angels.

We had a blast... Bought some stuff to fix the sprinkler system and more propane for the tank. Boring to kids. The highlight of the trip was looking at toilets at Lowes... cracks me up. Three kids sitting on the toilets while a clerk watches nervously to see if they're actually using it.

I stopped and treated them to ice cream. They've been great. Then it was a mess... and the youngest fouled his pullup (cannot wait til that is over) and is now freeballing at the park where I jot this note. We found a creek as we walked here and climbed around under the bridge and sat along the banks... splashing our feet. Its hot, maybe 90 and the water felt great.

There is a moment there in the creek, when all you can see are the rocky banks and water creeping over, trees leaning in toward this hidden, babbling secret. Blue jays hopped from branch to branch and butterflies fluttered on the bank. One flew up to Noah, my four year old. He screamed and ran in a frenzy toward the car with the tiny yellow lepidoptera behind him, following lazily. I tried so hard not to laugh.

So now I sit under this elm tree and the kids have come back... "We're boiling hot dad, can we play in the river?" Sure. How can I resist? This is the best of times. Welcome to summer.

Can You Control Immigration?

Can you control migration? At first glance I didn't see anyone checking IDs on geese coming and going from Canada. How come they can come over with the Avian flu and my wife's great-great grandmother was not allowed to come to America because she had dementia. That's not right. No one was in danger of catching Mad Italian Disease, she was just old and forgetful. Bird flu? Could be contagious. So you're saying perhaps that the geese aren't human? Hmmm. That's a good point. But the people in charge of 'controlling' the migration of people refer to the unwelcome guest as 'aliens'. Not particularly human either. I make a weak and silly argument here, but only because I find this premise weak and silly.

I do not believe you can control the migration of people, or anything, for that matter when they feel the need to be there. Who assumed this was possible? Based on what experience? As I recall, a long time ago, before we called it America, there were people who lived here. Poor guys. First we called them Indians because like fools our forbearers thought they found India when they got here. Then we felt guilty and called them 'natives'. Either way, they were here first. They witnessed the rampant migration of this pale-skinned pestilence that defiled so much of what they found sacred. Ask them how controlling illegal immigration went. Trail of Tears, anyone?

The question that I ask is this: Can you deny something's will to promote its best interest? Sure you can try, but can you do it? The United States has had a policy on immigration for years. Law. They didn't want blacks unless they were slaves. They didn't want 'undesirable' ethnicities. The Chinese that built the railway system in our nation predated this flap over Mexico by at least 100 years. Immigration opened to certain 'kinds' of people over time, but there were rules to prevent too many of one type from infiltrating the culture. That is the foolishness to which I refer.

In this country, we all came from somewhere else. Legal or not, someone was willing to bet their livelihood, and perhaps their very life on the odds of a better future here. Can you stop that any more than you can stop osmosis? And how much energy do you want to put into preventing people from being your neighbor? When I think about the compelling need to find a better life, about the hardship of leaving everything you've ever known, I would not listen to a bureaucrat deciding they couldn't allow any more of my kind. I'd be here anyway. I would about as well as the colony at Roanoke did. Damn the torpedoes. Try to prevent me from living what I think is a better life for me and I will make it my life's work to be here. And that of my children. Arrest me. Deport me. I will return. Beat me. Kill me. I will be laid to rest in the land of my desire. You cannot legislate my will to live.

Jesus Had A Hot Ass!

Mark 11:1-7

And when they drew near to Jerusalem, to Beth'phage and Bethany, at the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, 2: and said to them, "Go into the village opposite you, and immediately as you enter it you will find a colt tied, on which no one has ever sat; untie it and bring it. 3: If any one says to you, `Why are you doing this?' say, `The Lord has need of it and will send it back here immediately.'" 4: And they went away, and found a colt tied at the door out in the open street; and they untied it. 5: And those who stood there said to them, "What are you doing, untying the colt?" 6: And they told them what Jesus had said; and they let them go. 7: And they brought the colt to Jesus, and threw their garments on it; and he sat upon it.

Sitting in church yesterday was a strange experience. For years I've attended. As long as I can remember and I know the stories well. I've read most of them, been in group discussions about them, and read opinions about what other people thought they meant. That was good enough for me for a long time. Perhaps I was busy frying other fish. But recently something has begun to change in the way I hear things. I seem to be actually listening. I guess I always have listened, but listening and thinking perhaps is a better way to put it. And now the church is a different place. Not a bad one by any means; it is a better representation of what people can do when they are not focused so selfishly on themselves... but...

I just don't like being told what to do. That's it. Call me stubborn. I'd be the guy going to war over the price of tea. My grandfather called these molehills 'the mountain I was prepared to die on' with his best middle eastern flourish. And I like church, like the Bible (as entertaining literature), and think some of the philosophy is good. But I am not buying what I am told without some critical reflection. Call me Thomas.

It started with the idea some months ago that I wasn't actually a sinner. That I am not, in fact imperfect. We are all, in fact perfect. I blogged on it somewhere in greater detail but the idea in summary is that if we are truly like snowflakes, one of a kind, then we are a statistical sample of one, which by definition is the standard of observation... or perfect. Or perhaps, religiously, if you believe in a divine god why would it create imperfect creations in its own image? That seems wholly illogical. And literalists often mention Eden, which is a great story. One of my favorites about human nature. It really is the story of all of us... amazing considering how very old it is. Our nature is essentially unchanged after all that time. But were it real, that an all powerful god, a creator who could create a universe in a week, could not adequately protect a fruit tree? That is simply not possible. Since this time, the liturgy has taken on a new meaning. The stories are seemingly new again, which is actually nice. Refreshing, even.

But yesterday Jesus stole a donkey. I have never seen until know, but I totally get it. He was running a scam. And its a funny one. No one was hurt. The hot 'wheels' were apparently returned later, but Jesus told two of the disciples (whose names Mark omits to hide the crime ;) to basically steal a ride. Its not uncommon to park on the edge of town as it kept the smell down and I could imagine them being conveniently located on the outskirts. Two strange men coming up and telling them their lord had need of the animal and would bring it right back would not be odd sounding to men charged with livery. All sorts of lords rode through and rarely got their own steed. Why would this be any different? He stole the mule. That ass he was riding on was hot!

I think that is hilarious! It certainly takes nothing away from other good things he did. In fact, I'd like to look more carefully through the Gospels again. Perhaps some find it sacrilege. We all are entitled to an opinion on the subject. This is mine. It makes me smile. Religion needs a better sense of humor. I think I like this guy more and more.

Hate Mail To The Wall Street Journal Regarding Pharmaceutical Coverage

(reposted from 3/2006)

This story ran in the Wall Street Journal yesterday and was forwarded to me by a relative. I read it and was really angry. Angry because they spoke to me like I was an idiot, unable to decide what I needed for myself, angry because they made casual assumptions about an industry that saves lives, and because there was no actual reporting. No investigation. No verification. And it ran on page one.

So before I go off the deep end, I will admit that I am a drug rep. Sure, its an easy job to poke fun at. People do all the time. I don't mind. My work is helpful and I see the impact on the community in which I live. But don't take my word for it. Read the story. Read my response to the editor. What do you think?

PAGE ONE

Negative Advertising
As Drug Bill Soars,
Some Doctors Get
An 'Unsales' Pitch

By SCOTT HENSLEY
March 13, 2006; Page A1

PHILADELPHIA -- Like salespeople for pharmaceutical companies, Kristen Nocco shows up in doctors' offices with slick brochures, well-rehearsed talking points and the budget to buy lunch.

But Ms. Nocco's goal is the opposite of the company people: She wants doctors to consider alternatives to expensive brand-name drugs.

Ms. Nocco, who used to be an Eli Lilly & Co. saleswoman, is part of an "unsales" team funded by the state of Pennsylvania. Its message is honed by Harvard University professors who say they're trying to help doctors make decisions grounded in scientific evidence instead of company marketing. Many of the approaches Ms. Nocco advocates -- such as cheap generic drugs and lifestyle changes -- would cost less, too. Some of her talking points take on top-selling drugs such as AstraZeneca PLC's Nexium for heartburn and Pfizer Inc.'s Celebrex for arthritis pain.

The effort comes as states and employers are reeling from ever-higher bills for prescription drugs. Pennsylvania alone spends about $3 billion a year on drugs for state employees, poor people on Medicaid and elderly people eligible for a generous drug-assistance program.

Pharmaceutical companies go to great effort to ensure that doctors think of brand-name products when they pull out their prescription pads. While the most visible part of that effort is a barrage of television ads, companies spend more money addressing doctors directly. Makers of brand-name drugs employ more than 90,000 salespeople in the U.S. at a cost of more than $12 billion a year, according to Amundsen Group, an industry consulting firm.

These "detailers," so called because they can recite drug facts from memory, crowd into doctors' offices, handing out pens and notepads emblazoned with brand logos and hoping to corner the doctors for a minute or two to deliver a sales pitch. Companies track doctors' habits by purchasing data collected when pharmacies fill prescriptions. A company knows which doctors are friendliest toward its drugs -- and which salespeople are the most effective.

Now a wave of generic alternatives to some of the nation's best-selling drugs is sweeping into pharmacies as old patents expire. Generic copies of Merck & Co.'s blockbuster cholesterol drug Zocor will go on sale in June and could be prescribed in place of Pfizer's branded drug, Lipitor, the industry's No. 1 seller with 2005 U.S. sales of $7.4 billion. But generic companies don't have huge sales forces behind their products.

That's one reason some organizations are fielding their own representatives to make sure the new generics and other alternatives to brand-name drugs are getting used. At Kaiser Permanente, the big California health-maintenance organization, one part of a broad doctor-education program looks for doctors who seem to be overprescribing or underprescribing certain pills. Kaiser then sends pharmacists or senior doctors to advise these outliers.

Medco Health Solutions Inc., which manages drug benefits for large employers, sends pharmacists to encourage doctors to use generics. Governments in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom also seek to educate doctors in their own offices.

Ken Johnson, a spokesman for the drug trade group PhRMA, said in a statement that the industry encourages doctors to study a variety of information. But he said "it would be a big mistake to discount or ignore information provided by sales representatives who work for the companies that spend 10 to 15 years developing each new drug." Companies "have the most information about new treatments," he said.

'Academic Detailing'

At Harvard, Jerry Avorn, a professor of medicine, has been a pioneer in what is called "academic detailing." He says the goal is to use industry sales techniques -- such as boiling down material to a few bullet points -- to deliver a message based on evidence about what works best.

Thomas Snedden, who runs the Pennsylvania Department of Aging's drug-assistance program, called on Dr. Avorn when he wanted to counterbalance brand-name marketing. The department, via a contractor, agreed to pay a foundation led by Dr. Avorn $3 million over three years to put an "unsales" force in the field.

Pennsylvania has long tried to influence prescribing by doctors in the state. In the early 1990s, Mr. Snedden's department took advantage of computerized ordering systems at pharmacies to block state payments for Halcion, a sleeping pill then linked to violent agitation especially in the elderly. Worried that doctors were ignoring heightened warnings, the state started rejecting prescription claims for Halcion. Prescriptions dropped 95% in a month, Mr. Snedden says.

Mr. Snedden acknowledges that overriding prescriptions at the pharmacy isn't popular with doctors or patients. "We're trying to go directly to the physicians, instead of the pharmacists, and have a dialogue with them about prescribing practices that we think should be corrected," he says.

That's where Ms. Nocco, a 37-year-old pharmacist, and her seven colleagues come in. Their goal is to get busy doctors to set aside time to hear a presentation. Since September, the Pennsylvania unsales representatives have made contact with doctors about 1,500 times and conducted more than 400 educational meetings.

One morning, Ms. Nocco walked into a doctor's office in the Olney neighborhood of North Philadelphia. Like drug companies, Dr. Avorn's organization had done its research and knew the doctor was a heavy prescriber of drugs to the elderly. Ms. Nocco found a waiting room packed with patients. Two drug-company representatives stood between her and the receptionist's desk. She turned on her heels and hustled back to the parking lot, figuring she might have better luck at the next office on her list.

"Having failed so many times, it doesn't bother me anymore," she said. She was in a hurry to squeeze in one more appointment before a lunch meeting nearby that took weeks to set up.

In the beige Mazda minivan that doubles as family taxi and mobile office, Ms. Nocco pulled out a sheaf of maps and driving directions she had printed from the Internet. She lives in Philadelphia's Center City with her husband and two children and is still learning her way to the 75 doctors in her territory.

Twenty minutes later, she arrived at the next stop and lucked out. The doctor overheard her explaining the program to his receptionist, put aside a patient's file and invited Ms. Nocco inside for a two-minute chat. He asked her to call later to schedule a longer appointment.

Though Ms. Nocco believes she carries a more enlightened message than her corporate counterparts, she faces the same barriers to getting in the door. "Until you prove yourself, they're going to treat you like a drug rep because you are," she says. "You're asking for the same thing: their time."

Unlike company representatives, she doesn't have any coffee mugs, clipboards or other logo-festooned items to give to doctors or their staff. To break the ice, she uses her one advantage: her link to Harvard and Dr. Avorn. She carries a letter of introduction from the professor and tells doctors they can have a free copy of his book on the drug industry if they listen to her spiel. Or they can choose from two general-interest medical books by Harvard doctors.

Also, Harvard has certified the content of her talks and brochures as educational. Doctors who listen to the material and pass a short quiz receive continuing-medical-education credits, which many of them need to maintain their professional certification.

Dr. Avorn is confident his team can get traction despite being outnumbered. "Doctors know when they're being sold a bill of goods, and they know when they're getting the straight scoop with no hidden agenda," he says. "They crave the latter, and they know they hardly ever get it."

Mr. Johnson of the drug-industry trade group said company representatives are well-trained to answer doctors' questions about proper use of drugs and noted that they must comply with strict federal regulations on what they can say.

Modest Goals

Ms. Nocco aims to sit down four times a year for 15 minutes or longer with the doctors she has been assigned. All told, the unsales representatives are targeting about 1,000 doctors of the 26,000 across the state. For now, they are being judged by how many meetings they get with doctors. Mr. Snedden says it's too soon to detect any impact of the unsales program in Pennsylvania, but "ultimately, we need to see a change in the prescribing patterns."

Just before noon, Ms. Nocco arrived at the office of a group of geriatricians on the campus of Jeanes Hospital in the leafy Fox Chase district. In the lunchroom under a purple wall clock bearing the logo of AstraZeneca's Nexium, the heartburn pill, she unwrapped a tray of Italian hoagies delivered by a shop she discovered in South Philadelphia when she worked for Eli Lilly.

She left the drug maker in 1998 to go into advertising, specializing in prescription drugs at a small agency in Philadelphia. After leaving the agency because of family responsibilities, she worked on another academic detailing project that led to her current job in the Pennsylvania program.

Over lunch, she told three doctors about the program and joked, "I'm redeeming myself now" after years working for the drug industry.

Her subject was managing pain without Merck's Vioxx and Pfizer's Bextra, two drugs that were withdrawn from the market over safety worries. Pfizer still sells a similar drug, Celebrex, which costs about $80 for a month's supply. Ms. Nocco suggested over-the-counter alternatives such as naproxen or acetaminophen, which is best known by the brand name Tylenol. The drugs cost less than $9 a month, she said. If they don't work, she suggested prescription alternatives, including some generics. She went on to discuss a variety of options for severe pain.

After almost an hour, Martin Leicht got up to leave. "This was much more fun than a drug-rep lunch," Dr. Leicht said. "They won't come in and say, 'Use Tylenol first.' "

Recently Ms. Nocco and her colleagues have been targeting overuse of costly heartburn pills called proton-pump inhibitors. These drugs, which include Nexium, can cost more than $100 a month. Patients need to take them every day.

The unsales representatives say many people can find relief by watching what they eat or taking inexpensive over-the-counter medicines such as antacids and Zantac. If neither of those remedies works, patients can try a proton-pump inhibitor -- perhaps starting with Prilosec, a chemical cousin of Nexium that is available more cheaply over the counter. Prilosec or Nexium may only be needed for a few weeks before patients are weaned off, according to the unsales pitch.

Cynthia Callaghan, a spokeswoman for AstraZeneca, says in an email that the older drugs may be appropriate for some people but she says clinical-trial data show Nexium offers superior relief. Sales of Nexium, AstraZeneca's biggest product, increased 18% to $4.63 billion last year.

Nexium alone accounted for more than $15.2 million, or 2.8%, of total drug spending by Pennsylvania's elderly assistance program last year, or 15 times the annual budget for the unsales representatives. William Trombetta, professor of pharmaceutical marketing at St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia, says: "Given the price of Nexium, it would not take much in terms of switches to more than cover the state's detailing cost and then some."

Write to Scott Hensley at scott.hensley@wsj.com

I will freely admit that I was ticked off. Not so much professionally, after all, people are entitled to their opinions and if you don't like what I do, well you don't. That's ok. I do. That's why I do it. But as a consumer, I am really irritated. As a consumer of news, I expect a place like this to actually look into some facts before they throw something on page one. Or if it is opinion... well put it on the OPINION page. The news is pretty easy that way. But as a medical consumer? This bugs me even more. I ask my doctor to heal me. I am sick. They give advice. PRESCRIBE therapy (not REQUIRE). Maybe write a script for an agent to help. If its more than I want to pay I ask for a generic. He'll warn me if there are any problems with that. We decide. This arrangement makes sense to me. I am responsible for me. He knows what works best in his opinion (and if I don't like his opinion, there's always someone else). This article makes me feel like I am helpless to say no. I am too dumb to be responsible for taking care of myself. Grr... So here's the response. What is your opinion?

Date:	Tue, 14 Mar 2006 05:12:02 -0800 (PST)
Subject:	Poor attempt at journalism
To:	scott.hensley@wsj.com

Mr Hensley,

I am disappointed that a publication of the quality of WSJ allowed your visciously one-sided piece to run. The piece is stunningly uninformed. Just a few examples:

• "trying to help doctors make decisions grounded in scientific evidence instead of company marketing." Did you interview anyone in a drug company, either in Market or R&D or Sales? Is it possible that drug companies use 'scientific evidence' to promote their drugs? The assertion that they do not is simply gratuitius and can be rebuffed with a snort, which is all it merits.
• The FDA has to approve all the pieces used in promotion. You made no mention of this fact. I might change the perspective of readers. It might be considered fair.
• "These "detailers," so called because they can recite drug facts from memory, crowd into doctors' offices, handing out pens and notepads emblazoned with brand logos and hoping to corner the doctors for a minute or two to deliver a sales pitch." Again... stunning. You choose not to ask a physician, or a drug company about what 'detailers' are or do. You fill in an uninformed guess. Had you interviewed someone and used something other than your own opinion, you could have met a provider who realized there are merits to the use of prescription medicine. This is not a stunning revelation. And show me a company that doesn't have pens with their product on it. A car dealership. A doctor's office. They are inexpensive and are in need because patients take them from the staff. If an office didn't want pads, cups, or pens, what happens? Does someone force them to accept? Did you ask about that? Or just make assumptions. I found a lot of that.
• You provided no critical examination of the purpose of 'undetailing'. Honestly my reaction was: "Who's paying for that? Oh, a government. Figures. No one can waste money better." An informed approach to examining the value of this kind of 'unsales' force would be to identify influences that determine physician decisions in healing their patients. Someone is sick enough to seek treatment and wants a course of therapy they cannot themselves naturally provide. One assumption might be that they've tried Tylenol, or other over the counter solutions. But would it hurt to find out? Isn't that journalism? I mean no disrespect, since this is your profession, but circling an unknown and coming up with ideas to understand it, doesn't that seem like a reasonable approach?
• Some of these influences you might have learned about would be efficacy: it has to work. Though I am no fan personally of Lipitor, its studies show it is significantly better than Zocor in reducing cholesterol. There are studies that equate this to actual reductions in CV events. What does that mean? A government will be pressuring a doctor to write a drug that is less helpful in fighting my battle with heart disease? Why? Its cheaper. That's a story, if you ask me.
• Or perhaps the influence of insurance company HMO withholdings. If you are unfamiliar with this practice, I'd encourage you to look into it. That would be consistent with my understanding of journalism. The contract typically takes a percentage of monies the insurance company owes a provider and does not give it back: they withhold it. They hold it until certain conditions are met, usually related to cost savings and generic utilization. While it looks a lot like a hostage situation, it does in fact provide a reason for doctors to already be thinking about ways to use less expensive, effective medicines. An interesting quandry. Also could have been a good element or its own story.

Instead you supplied your own opinion. Your idea of 'fair balance' in representing the story included almost 2 full sentences from a drug company association. Two sentences! That is an embarassment for an instution of the quality of your to allow, and I feel I have some basis for saying this. I was raised in a home of a newspaper man. His father worked his entire career for one. I went to journalism school at every meal. "Your mother says she loves you? Go check it out", he'd say. This is not journalism. That it could exist on Page One speaks to the reality that it is not simply your opinion you are propagating, but that of others as well. I cannot believe, for all the pens at Pfizer, that an editor or two did not review this and choose it based on its 'merits'. It is just sad.

With all due respect...

Mastery

So my wife is playing with this new ipod shuffle thing that arrived at the house. She cracks me up! Says it looks just like a home pregnancy test! Damn that slays me... it does. Even has a plus and minus! How did I get it? Long, unimportant story and its free. I don't want it. She was happy to take it and play. So as she loads the software onto our computer to operate it, its asking her survey questions about her occupation. She stays home with the kids. A busy job. Lots of duties and titles. No pay... well no money... unless we sell one of the kids (note to self.... I have 3). Anyway, she was checking off job titles. Finance, Administration, Computers, Web Master. That one caught my attention. Master?

Is that a little presumptuous? Web Master? I mean it was born in a time when the pocket protector ruled the world... no one could understand what those guys were saying, but they not only weren't burned by the strange new magic, they could *gasp* USE IT! I remember this time well because I worked in finding techies for companies. The Internet was totally off the radar, except for a few guys playing D&D with their Commodore 64s. No one was around to name them, except themselves. And their decision? Master. A hearty 'screw you' to all the guys that gave them swirlies and wedgies. They are masters of their domain... compared to everyone else.

So what other jobs assert this level of bravado in their title? Zen Master, Jedi Master (kinda similar), Reiki Master (again, similar). Then some, a little less profound:

• Bass Master, Master Angler (is that fish or chix? Or Fish n' Chix... Long John Silver was a Playa. You have to know it)
• Drunken Master ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080179/ ) fighting AND drinking... a pair? Who'da thunk?
• Jam Master... well there was only one. And his name was Jay. ( http://www.j-m-j.com/ ) And he liked his Addidas.

But seriously, rolling through GOOGLE, aside from master chefs, and gardeners... there's very little over mastery out there. This is what makes me wonder... what if we had to proclaim some kind of mastery in our work? Titles that might describe me?

• Sloth Master: while I've not met any, I know how to set my motor to idle, but really I am not comfortable with master. I am more of a wondering fool. More willing to be monkish, than master.

I don't know. When I was a kid I told my 3rd grade teacher I wanted to explain big ideas with little words for people so they'd be easier to deal with. I didn't know what job that was. She didn't either. But interestingly there's a word for this, and I'm really good at it. Its really the closest thing to what I do. I take big idea and reduce them to bites. I am a master of this:

bate¹ ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bt)
tr.v. bat·ed, bat·ing, bates

1. To lessen the force or intensity of; moderate:

Draw your own conclusions...

Zen & The Art Of MultiTasking

Its really quiet all of a sudden in my home. I look up and see that I am actually alone, the spring sunshine has faded to grey and the only thing I hear is the laptop fan out of phase with the hum of the refrigerator somewhere at the other end of the house. These are really rare moments in the life of a family guy. I love the family. But they come with 80 decibels of action and they're in bed, teeth scrubbed, blankets tucked, and I had no part of it. Where did this weekend go?

I see this two day period coming and start thinking about all the really 'important' things I need to do. Then a good part of the weekend I run around checking things off my list and trying not to make my wife break out in hives. She's lovely. A fabulous spirit... and to her, 'agenda' is the most heinus word in the English language. Cracks me up. I know she's right, but I am too stupid to not steam clean something or clean something or... they probably make a medicine for this. I am trying to do 3 things at the same time. Sometimes I do. I've been known to brush my teeth and hair at the same time, but when you get the brushes mixed up all hell breaks loose.

So getting to my point... I tend to digress a lot... and have a compulsive need to use these... points of ellipsis... That is not my point. This is: I've been trained in a culture of workers to do more. Productivity productivity productivity. More output with less input. I bought this notion for a long time, I am sorry to admit. It never occurred to me that the computer was a reason to slow down, not speed up. I can't compete with 128 bit processing. I am so easily distracted with 3 ideas at the same time. It wins. It can do the complicated grunt work and I'll do the... what is it that I'll do? Something a computer can't do.

I'll listen. Funny thing about that whole listening bit. It takes time and attention. You get a lot of information out of it and a computer can't really sort out what's important. Just people... or the ones who are listening at least. And it occurs to me that its a momentous thing... to take a moment and listen. Pay attention. Not type and listen. Not flip channels and listen. Not read and listen. Just listen. To do two things is to not fully appreciate either. Waste one moment in two half-quality attempts. But I've been doing that. I've done that. I do this. I did that.

I've been raised to try to do 2 things at the same time because its better. More stuff got done. If you could do twice that, it would be 4 times better. Like a machine. But I am more than the sum total of my honey do lists. My value is not in doing? So maybe I do dishes and listen to the radio, but I think I've wandered way off the trail somewhere. The zen moment... understanding the infinite detail of this one moment, and then this one... it is a delicate thing. Easily crushed by carpet cleaning, conversation holding, furniture dusting, blog thinking people. Sometimes I wonder if I keep moronically busy like this to avoid silence. But this feels so soothing... except for the refrigerator fan, which makes me wonder why its running all the time and if the seal needs to be replaced on the door and.... sometimes silences bring up awkward introspection. Hard to see that I could be more by doing less and that by doing more I am lessened. And am now more; seeing I am less.