Obesity Is The New Tobacco

I should just stop reading. Having an opinion is not related to the quality of education. In my randomized, placebo controlled study of literati and illiterati, there was no statistical significance between groups. And being unintelligent is very zen... knowing you don't know is the first step to knowing you do know what you don't know... or something like that. Mr. Miagi started Danielsan on chopsticks right after that and I got hungry. Sorry. I get easily distracted.

So this blog is supposed to be about obesity. RIGHT! A study released by the Mayo clinic studied rates of weight loss in gastric bypass patients over the age of 60...

Doctors at the Mayo Clinic Scottsdale, in Scottsdale, Ariz., compared the outcomes of 110 people younger than 60 years of age who underwent the popular weight-loss surgery, to those of 20 patients older than 60.

Both groups experienced a significant decrease in obesity-related diseases, including high blood pressure and diabetes, the researchers report in the February issue of Archives of Surgery. Both sets of patients also cut their overall use of medications by approximately half following their surgeries.

However, younger patients tended to experience slightly greater weight loss. According to the researchers, 10 months after the surgery younger patients lost an average of about 97 pounds, while patients in the over-60 group dropped an average of about 86 pounds.

Based on the findings, the Mayo investigators conclude that "patients of advanced age can safely undergo gastric bypass with operative results nearly identical to those of younger patients."

So now you all know that I don't know what I do know or unknow knowing or know unknow, or Anton Apollo Ohno, so I feel comfortable sharing my deep insights:

• Isn't the easiest way to bypass the gastric system to not eat the food in the first place? I mean are people really complaining about the cost of healthcare when they afford a $25,000 procedure to keep themselves from eating the entire bag of pork rinds? Uneaten, even pork rinds are low in fat and calories!
• Is it me or have my elders decided to stop saving their money for heirs? I was kinda looking forward to gold-plating my toilet with that...Maybe its just a shift in the culture... all we can really is spend time or money. So whereas before we got their money 'cuz grammy died early, or now we get grammy for another 20 years, but no money. Hmm... so much for having our cake and eating it too. Our aging elders are averaging a cholesterol med, an antihypertensive with or with a water pill, and then specializing to any number of malady maintainers... allergies, depression managers, cox-2's, all of which are good things. They improve the quality of life. That is an ostensible purpose of living, or so I thought. But this obesity procedure cuts on the razor's edge for me. Twenty-five g's is the downpayment on a house for anew generation of family... a college endowment. A cruise with the fam and memories for a lifetime? Now that technology allows so many marvels, someone has to decide whether or not they want to pay for it. Sixty year olds were having a $25k surgery to live another 12-15 years on average? I guess quality matters.

What it looks like to the cynical bystander is the harvest of the old and profit laden. These folks spent a lifetime working and saving, and experiencing life and now see that they have more money than time. Fortunately the economy's cockles are warmed when a right fat geezer is tossed on the bonfire of our vanity. Nip/tuck, take meds to seem a little less crazy, pills for erections you might break a hip using, the list is impressive. And you can't take it with you... the money that is. You can take the fat. After they embalm you, it'll have a longer shelflife than Twinkies!

• I know people who have had gastric bypass and its helped them change their lives. That's cool. Radically improved lives. The people who have found these procedures are effective and relatively safe (safer than heart attacks, gout, strokes, all-you-can-eat rib tips). But what is obese? Ok, I'm thinking if you're 100lbs, you might really have a problem. Shockingly, much less. I am obese! I am obese? Huh? How is that possible?

According to the American Obesity Association, if you fat ass is a BMI of 30, congratulation we're brothers in fat. Here's the chart:

BMI:	25	30	35	40
Height (inches)	Body Weight (pounds)
4’10”	119	143	167	191
5’0”	128	153	179	204
5’2”	136	164	191	218
5’4”	145	174	204	232
5’6”	155	186	216	247
5’8”	164	197	230	262
5’10”	174	207	243	278
6’0”	184	221	258	294
6’2”	202	233	272	311
6’4”	205	246	287	328

I am 6'2" and 245. I bench 300lbs, and work out 6-10 hours a week. Ok... I know I should drop a couple, but OBESE? Jabba was obese. I might have been 205 out of college some years ago, but I recall only being able to afford rice and potatoes. I could be a healthy guy at 20 pounds less, but not 40. I'd look hungry. Or like an amputee.

I sense a nationalized moment coming to save me from myself, or the costs other people have to spend on my fat ass when we socialize healthcare.

• Lastly, my big-brother-black-helicopter-area-51 inner conspiracy theorist fears Fat being the new Tobacco. I first laughed at the thought, but there's too much logic in the similarity to tobacco... a person's personal choice, peripheral impact on those around them, evil purveyors of vice preying mindlessly on the mindless... After a Brave New Diet (The Huxley Diet), what could be next? Mindless purveyors of health and wellness products because we don't really need them if we live of bark and roots? Hedonists? While I generally fear isms, hedonism is nice. Its added a layer of comfortable experience between me and the harsh 6 packs of my youth.

So I've rambled but the million dollar question is this: Is it better to burn out (on doughnuts, beer, and ribs) or fade away (after 200 years of near 3rd world privation)? I honestly don't know or I don't think I know if I know... but the thought makes me hungry.

Note: This was written in 2006. Since that blog I'd ballooned another 20 lbs, then due to an extended illness and subsequent surgery, dropped 60 lbs. The point? Today I weight 198lbs... Do I seem different? Yes. Healthier. Back feels better. Blood pressure is good... cholesterol is now normal.. Amazing what happens. This blog cracks me up now in retrospect.